they hate it.... but i like it.........

Is not that i am dirty minded...
or wanted to be special......

but i really have a feeling towards you right now....
is like a 'OH MY GOD'...........

Assume there is one fella......
and no one like that fella..
not even guys...
not even girls......
everyone hate that fella......
i used to be like the 'everyone'

but.. i just dunno why...
now..
i am myself...
i am me......
i am not part of them nor part of us....
i had a feeling towards you suddenly....
and i think i fall in love with you........

DAMN!!!!!!

(p/s: if you cant understand wat i write, means you are normal... if you do... means you are abnormal...bless you..><)

healthy ? or not? or worst than that....

well....
sem 4 had ended.....
yeah...
and.....
bad news is....

"I WILL HAVING A FOUR MONTHS HOLIDAY"
WHAT THE HELL??????

so...... i start to have a healthy life...
i go for a job...
i work as a cashier.. in IKANO POWER CENTRE POPULAR...

well..
is not that easy actually....
is kinda hard..............
too hard.............
but is ok...
is just an experience..
the 1st 2 week is kinda hard for me..
but now..
imma getting stable... well.. not yet stable.. but getting......

so.. people.. bless me............. thanks......
for some reason..... i only found out i am a workaholic until some batch of people start to hate me...... jealousy? ...... maybe..... whatever.. just leave it.. cuz i just work for 4 months.. not 4 decades.................

haha..........

huh?.... over?.......

14 weeks of my semester 4 had finally gone....
so fast....
14 weeks of my extra week to see you to satisfy me is finally used up.....
so fast....

BUT....

i still not yet satisfied yet...
i want to see you more..
i want talk to you more....
i want to laugh with you more......
no
please...
is not over yet!!!!

you are also one of the reason that i barred myself from one of the subjects and got semester 4....... (even though you are not the main reason.. whatever)....

please....
is not over yet!!!
CUZ WHAT I KNOW IS...
AFTER THESE 14 WEEKS.....
i .... i.... i.....
i cant see you anymore...
i cant talk to you anymore..
not even just a smile with you or to me......

don't tell me is over....
and i hope... is only just begun......
but......
pointless...
useless....
hopeless.....

you still not belongs to me.....
and i am not your owner too....
we are just..... somebody who meet somebody and need somebody to finish our course only......
just like client... or customers........

i can let go anything..
my hatred...
yes.. i can let go...
but i cant let go you.......

people always say that i will hurt myself more if i dun let go you....
at first.. i say.. is ok.. cause you are special...
and i keep pretend that my case is special too...
so i wont get hurt like those people...
but...
still....
a pretending...........

i am hurt now......
the happiness is over...
but the hurts had begun.......

i think i should find ways to cure myself...
i need time...
i need to be busy all the time....
this is also why i must go to work as a part-timer....

to buy a keyboard is one of my reason...
but
to forget you... to let go you.. is also one of the reason.......

from now on...
i am learning not to love you anymore.....
bless me.. people...
thanks......

i love yesterday

yesterday was a great day.....
is really a moment that we din have for a long long time........

still remember last year.....
you wanted to go home...
and i had stop you...
and we talk...
we chat...
we even laugh...........

yesterday.........
was the first time in this year...
that we did the same thing again.......
there is only 2 of us...
no third party...
forth fifth sixth.. or whatever....

we talk about jokes...
we talk about future...
we talk about gossip......
just like a pillow talk.....
i am very happy for yesterday.......

and i love yesterday.....

anyway...
i love yesterday's weather too.........

my life is so dramatic.....

I love drama.. i love movie..
i love romance genre too....

and... if you notice something.. 80% of the love story.. is.. at start.. one of them.. swear that he or she wont love her or him anymore......
but... time after time..... he or she cant control himself or herself back and continue the love story which should already stop with her or him......

i am one of them...........
my love story is one of the movie or drama.......

last friday......
i keep saying that.. i don't have the feeling of love anymore towards 'her'............
but... last sunday..............
i cant control myself back and fall in love with her back..........

oh my god.
i think...
i should go for psychologist.........

SERIOUSLY......i cant be a lover......

Seriously...... i dun think i can be a good lover.... NO...
is.. i cant be a lover.....
at all.....


Let's flashback to 1 year ago.....
when i look at you..... the first time i saw you.. and the first time i have the feeling towards you...
i am very happy... and excited....
well.. maybe no one knows who are you.....
but is ok...
just be my cute little secret lover.. (by the way.. you are older than me a lot.. i dunno why i call you... cute little....)

i keep do a lot of thing for you.. sacrifice....
among all the boys and girls......
you are the one who get the higher rate of knowing per seconds　(means.. how well do i know you in every second)
i do a lot of things...
whenever you have trouble.....
i try my best to help...
whenever i am in trouble..
i try my best to not to let you know.. cause i don't want to let you worry.....

but now...
1 year later....
maybe is because of....we only met for twice... like that every week... or... just.... some weird reason.....

sorry......
i really...
don't have...
no more...
those feelings toward you.......
in the bad way...
that is...
i don't love you anymore.....
i dunno why....
before.. when being with you...
i am so damn excited...
but now....
when being with you.....
even just in msn....
i was like....
'empty'.......................

i cant be a lover...
single suits me more.....
well...
or... i think i should say....
i am workaholic than you...
even tough i love you is because you are workaholic too...
but..
now...
i love my work.. and i love busy... more than i love you....
until...
i love my work and busy only.. but i dun love you anymore.....
sorry.....
sorry.. for the 'forever and ever' promise.....
sorry..........

anyway...
thanks for make me have a great moment with you.....
bless you.......


I HAD THE LOVE..........

finally... is his turn.....

good luck to one of my best friend in UTAR for tomorrow..
a very very very very very very very very very best friend ever....(TOO MUCH EVER.. but sometimes.. i feel like i wanna slap him)...

good luck for your talk show..i will try my best to watch ur show...
i noe that u want me, and also all your friend to watch ur show....
but i will try... cause... i got a lot problems right now.. sob sob.. sorry... wu... wu....

good luck.......
(for some reason, i start to feel sad because the possibility to watch his show is quite low... is not sad because of i cant watch his show... i feel sad that i just scare.. my absent will dissapoint him...sigh......)

anyway.. good luck.. my friend....

i think i grow up...

after today....

i think.. i grow up already...
seriously.....

i can accept everything which is negative right now...
friends betraying..... lovers gone... .....

and funny thing is....
i even dun wan to tell all my problems to anyone.. anymore....
just let it be....

cause for me...
is my panic..
i dun wan everyone who cares about me..
panic because of my panic...
is unfair...
friends.. for me.. is for fun
not to share the panic....
but in the same time...
cause i dun wanna see my friend panic...
i would like to make them share their problem with me..
and i will listen...
and... if i can help.. i will try my best..
but if cant..
i think.. some consolation.. or be a joker to make them happy.. hahaha....

so.. i grown up....

TO MOTHER FUCKER!
YOU SEE THAT?
I WONT LET MY NEW FRIEND SUFFER!
SO JUST SIT THERE!
AND WAIT!
WAIT FOR MY FIRE!
WAIT FOR MY CAR!

CAUSE I'M GONNA DRIVE MY CAR TO YOUR HOUSE AND I BURN YOUR HOUSE!!!!

(by the way.... acting gay.... is the only way which make me happy.. but dun worry.. i'm still straight... haha...i finally understand the meaning of 'GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN' or 'HUNKS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN')....

private session....

buying

i just cut my hair just now.... in rawang.. thanks to my best friend that i hate a lot.. ALVIN LOH WAI HOONG.. hahaha.....

is a new hair saloon.... well.. is not bad actually... just... she (the hairstylist) say she cant make the hairstyle i wanted
because my hair is still short....

WHAT THE HELL??
SHORT?

OH GOSH... FIRST TIME... THERE'S SOMEONE SAY MY HAIR STILL SHORT....
WELL IF IS MY MOM... SHE WILL KEEP SAYING....

LONG LIKE A HAIRYMONSTER.... T_T.......

but still.. i ask her to try to shaping my hairstyle first... so.. she shape for me....
is not bad actually.......
just .. i dunno if i want to try to apply her wax to for my initial shaping will charge my extra 3 ringgit...... T_T......

sigh.....

ok... now......

hair already make...
nails already cut....

what else i wanted to buy?

contact lens....
yeah... contact lens.. my savior... for my eyes and also my overall face... here i come... hahaha.....

(p/s: i love me when i am wearing contact lens.. it make me look more cute.. hehe.... )

whoever dun like that p/s... go away..... BLAH! SHOOOOO!

So far..... so.......????

Yeah... is me.. i am back...watever......

well... for around 2 months din blogging....
the reason behind this is i am very very very busy.. and... no inspiration to write it.....
haha....

how am i now?
fine..
just...
i am still in FOUNDATION..... i am under repeat student due to got barred by the CHEMISTRY II on last year which is my semester 2.....

but don't worry..
i am very happy now..
i mean.. my sem 4 is the most happiest semester ever in Utar....compare to 1,2 and 3.... i also don't know why..... kinda weird..............

And i got some new friends..... yeah.. watever.. so called new friend....]

here is my sem 4 BFFF list ( BEST F..... FRIENDS FOREVER)

1) AGNES TAN CHEN CHYI..... a retarded woman.. and a shortie.. and she got a dance move.. call the clothes drying dance

2) WONG CHAN WENG... what i can describe is... he is so damn gay... although he is str8......

3) SUJESHA... the noisiest... as usual.....

4) LEE CHEN MENG... LCM... ok.. this guy is very interesting, i mean.. among the others.. he is not a engineer based or biology based.. he is IT based.. which mean.. i din saw his face before when i am semester 1, 2 and 3. What i know is, he keep make me thining of...'him'........ sigh..... yeah.. is that 'him'... that i wanted to slap a lot and a lot when i see 'him'..... someone worst than betrayer......... but good news is...... at least LCM is much more better than 'him'.. seriously.. i swear!! CAN U HEAR IT ? MY DEAR MOTHERFUCKER 'HIM' ?

5) Khor Mun Huai.... the physicist.... well... i knew him since end of semester 2... just... we are very very close.. in this semester....

6) NG AN TING..... 'AWEK' but already belongs to somebody......

7) Vanessa and her bio-based girls... i dunno their name... just vanessa.. haha....but.. at least we talk a lot now...... compare to the previous semesters......

8) ANGELA..... She is interesting.... seriously.. i really dun hope that she will read this blog... cause she will slap me... haha.... well.. her outlook at first give me a bad impression... not until we start to have a conversation to each other... then only i found out... she is out of the box that i think actually.... she is talented...in many things...... trust me....

9) AU WEI CHONG... this guy got a lot of twincies in foundation in science before.. but since all his twincies go to degree only him left.. so only now i can differentiate who is who right now....

10) HENRY,YUEN WEN, SEAN, AND.... FORGET HIS NAME ARLEADY.. BUT THEY KNOW ONE..... well.. if for someone that who know me.. and also know them.. they will for sure hard to believe that i have become friend with them.... hahaha....

11) SIMMY... or simren.. haha.. my 'future' coursemate... hehe.....same like sujesha......

yeah.. so far.. i think... they are my bfff....

hold on hold on
i think i forget someone....

damn!

11) SIVANESAN... nothing much.. still the same.... dun wan to talk more about him.. cause if you want me to talk about him.... the whole blog will closed.. hahahaha... shhhhhhh .... just assume this fellow is a mysterious one.. ok?... as usual....zzz (anyway.. i am so going to slap him today!!!! )

haha... so
that's my bfff in semester 4...
and....
yeah....
maybe you guys will try to think that...
i am happy back once again......
haha......

so .... to my friend already went degree!!!

I MISS YOU ALL VERY VERY VERY MUCH.. LIKE I MISS MY PILLOW!!!

I AM GOOD HERE!!!!!

HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS????

not that actually.... but yes... this is....

I thought they started to change..
is because we all grown up..
and..
all of us.. had very less communicate...
and..
so..
the way we treat each other become cooler....

But..
not..
actually is not..
they didn't change..
but i change..
what do i change?
my status...

Is simple..
not complicated..
that is...
they all actually is already that kind of attitude..
they all actually is already don't like me since the starting..
but..
they need me..
so..
they must ACT.. i repeat... ACT... in front of me..
so that.. i can help them..
cause i am a soft-hearted person..
like one them say...
i don't know how to scold people.. cause i wont get angry...
yeah..
thanks for your word..WHORE...
now i just realize that how stupid i was when i am secondary school..
the truth is.. NO ONE LIKES ME SINCE THE STARTING! THEY JUST ACTING! ...
and.. look at now...
right now..
they don't need me anymore..
cause they all are grown up..
plus..
we are totally in different place..
so..
means..
I AM USELESS RIGHT NOW.....
and..
that's why..
the way they treat me...
is kinda coolest....
some even just dun bother me die or alive....
thank you..
thank you very much..
i wont hate you guys..
i just will categorize you guys as a lesson...
for me to grow up..
if hate..
hate myself..
so damn stupid....
thanks very much.......

guiltty swear

so...
it seems like....
here we end....
no more next chapter...
for the story between you and i....
sigh....
just because of i break my promise..
just because of i break my swear...
now i finally understand ...
i am the one who broke all this stuffs...
i am the one who ruins the happy ending into sad ending.....
we can see it...
on face to face... when i talk to you.. you just treat me very very very cool...is like.. you start to feel bored on my topic...
on msn... when i chat with the others... the line is good and stable..
but when with you... is keep disconnected.... even your offline message to me... i cant read it...
and just now..
something more bad happens... is something that will spoil the relationship between you and i...
although i try and try very hard to solve this bad thing...
but.. i still scare...
on the phone....you cant hear my voice... and i can sense it that your voice is kinda bad feelings toward me....
sorry....
sorry.....
god..
did you listen to what i am said?
I AM VERY SORRY NOW...
AND CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE?
JUST ONE!
ONE LAST CHANCE!
IF DIS ONE LAST CHANCE I STILL SPOIL IT..
THEN I WILL BE PUNISH INTO MORE WORST..
PLEASE....
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE ONE I LOVE JUST BECAUSE OF I BREAK MY SWEAR....
I SWEAR!
I WONT BREAK MY SWEAR ANYMORE!
JUST GIMME ONE LAST CHANCE!
CAN YOU?
PLEASE...
PLEASE....
PLEASE..... I BEG MY KNEES AND PLEASE YOU.. PLEASE... sob sob....

let go

is weird...
and funny...
that is...
when u say u dun love at all...
in the same time....
u keep finding way to not to lose it....
how to explain.....
?

YOU

i hate 19 years old although i am already suffering with it for around 5 months(going to).....
but compare to 18 years old, 19 years old is a lot better, not a little bit, but a lot.

yeah, i am serious about it.
AT LEAST,
during my 18 years old time, when i am having a lot of problems or troubles, no one will listen to me. I repeat! Listen! I din ask for consolation, but listen, and, no one wanted to do that.

From i been betrayed by my best friend in national service camp, to my family problem, to been jealous or been backstabed suddenly by some stranger in my university, and love failure problem, and whatever.

Yeah, at least, none of my friend wanted to share these problem from me. Sharing is Caring, is really bullshit for me that time.

And that had make me a great hater, i start to hate everything, everyone, every-moment in this world. I am not a hater before, i forgive and accept everything, but not when i am 18.

19 years old, well, i am still have a lot of trouble, and even lots more than 18. BUT, at least, i am not so suffering or panic like hell , like 18. Thanks to you, you come and you share the problem with me. Well, what i mean 'you' is not only referring to 1 person, is more than that. I hope that you do understand that i am talking about you. Hahahaha.

You come into my world, and you change my world. Here's the statement when i was 18 and before :
'The longer the time when we are friends, the stronger the friendship we are having.'

But, since the day we start to know each other, you change my world, you change my statement:
'The greater the way we treat each other as friends, the stronger the friendship we are having.'

And the conclusion is,the power of friendship, cant judge by time or period or tempo. But, is judge by, how we treat each other. We were old friends, so what? if we were old friends, but we din do the part as a friend, just to tell other people or let the world know that we are old friend, is meaningless, right?

Here's a good situation, assume that you are having a trouble, very very big trouble, like wat the SHAMPOO sings :"oh oh, we're in trouble." And your old friends cant help you ( i don't want to say that they don't want to help, maybe they do want, but they really can't), but your new friends, which is besides you right now suddenly come and said to you:"hey, wanna lend some hands for you?"

Which one will you choose?

I choose the new. I know maybe you guys will say but you still don't know much about the new one compare to the old one. So what? the old one, will change, right? Everyone will change, and nowadays, many of my old friend say tat i changed a lot i changed a lot, and i look at my bodysize, i really change a lot.... getting fatter.....zzzzz

And because is old one, and you know him very much, and you know his weakness. You know that he is lying. You know that he will go to do that thing even in front of you he keep saying that that thing is boring and he wont go for it because of you cant go to do that thing. And the most horrible is, you keep pretending that he really wont go to do that thing is because of boring, not because of you cant go. And after that, few days later, he go to do that thing, and you must pretend that you don't know EVERYTHING!!! DAMN MOTHERFUCKER! DAMN PISS OFF! THIS IS WHY I HATE BLOGGING!......

fine fine.. chill chill......

I really hate them....
seriously....

These is what my old best friends, my old gang did to me:
one of them, lie to me.
one of them, don't believe me, and suspect me.
one of them, feel like i am changing a lot, but actually, he din realize that he changed.
one of them, keep creating troubles for me.
Some of them used me.
Some of them left me out.

I had tried a lot that i keep telling myself that it was just i were too sensitive. But until i know you, i am not that sensitive, is fact, actually.

Because of you,
i really forget what they did to me.
Because of you,
i really have a nice time.
Really...
Well, maybe you were new, and, maybe you were just ACT to be my new best friend for some purpose, but at least, the way you ACT, really make me happy.
And this is why,
i sacrifice a lot to you.
and i felt a lot worthy when i sacrifice to you, compare to i sacrifice to those old friends.

UTAR RESULT IS GONNA OUT, really wish you will get the best result. And guess what, i even sacrifice my time, to pray for you to get a better result. NOT MINE. hahaha... I am serious. What i wanted to do is, as long as you are happy, then i am happy too.
BUT OF COURSE, THE BEST IS,
WE STILL CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

GOOD LUCK.

sound making

Phew...
the sound that i keep making now is 'phew'...
everything has done...
everything is going to ended......
no matter the thing is i like it or not...
still going to ended...
in the same time....
wat i wanna say is....
to the thing that i dun like..
i will say bye bye...
but to the thing that i like...
'i miss you....'
thanks a lot.....
(to be continue)

DisTance

Distance,
is a measureable terms.
It's measure how far between 2 objects.
Such as My cat and My dog(example!),
My house and your house,
My computer monitor's screen and my eyes.

These are either measure in cm, mm, m, inch, feet, arms, and blah blah blah.

Beside that's
distance can also as an adjective for friendship, loves, family, and enemy.
For friendship, loves, and family,
the nearer the distance, means, the nicer the relationship you are having with them.
But for enemy,
the nearer the distance, means, the nearer the date of war between you and enemy.
NO GOOD.

However, .....sigh.....
You can't control these distance.
Just like me.
You can sense it, but you can't make it nearer or further.
Honestly,
i really don't want our distance be this kind of far,
can't we just back to the days when we were new meeting each other?
Why?
Why every love story, family case, or even friendship brotherhoods,
Why everytime, when the days goes on, the distance will become further and further.
and then will end up some stupid sentence such as
"I think i am giving up for knowing who you are."
or
"I think you have changed."
or
"I think i start to don't know who you are."
or
"We really have nothing else to talk anymore."
or
"I think our this is our fate, we are fate to have a distance..."
and more
STUPID, STUPID, and STUPID.

...sigh...

Well, what i wish is,
i really don't want to have anymore distance between everyone,
Soul, Friends, BFF, Family, and even your groupmates.
I really don't want it anymore.
please......
I am tired of seeking someone comes to me nicely,
but left me badly.
I am also tired of comes to someone excited,
but left that someone whatever.

I am tired.
And what i know is,
My distance between me and tired,
is 0(ZERO).

DIZZ-ZAY!!!!

thanks to the guitar hero ORIANTHI...
one of her hits 'according to you',
has nearly make me forget how to spell the word
'D-I-Z-Z-Y' properly...
cause she sing dizzy into D-I-Z-Z-A-Y...
and nowadays... when i feel dizzy...
i will either type dizzay or shout it"I AM SO SO DIZZAY NOW!"

whatever...

and i am very dizzay now...
from friday night....
cry.....cry....cry....
One of my V.I.P tell me that the thing that i province him to buy is not working actually...
and i keep find a way to help him solve..
i call him try this,
i call him try that,
i even wanted to go to his house and see what's the real problem,
and fixed it on the spot.
BUT,
i didn't.
Cause,
the stupid dizzay sky give a dizzay rain and cause my stupid dizzay broadband have a dizzay connection..
and
BOMB!
we disconnected....
(CRY OUT LOUD......)
(P/S: To all my friend, don't tell him this, if you still wanna be alive.)
So, i am 40% dizzay....

Then, the next day...
(SCREAM)
my stupid dizzay mom!!
SHE IS TOO CALCULATIVE THAN I THOUGHT!
SHE DON'T WANT TO GIVE ME THESE TWO MONTHS RENTAL,
BECAUSE SHE THINK SHE DON'T NEED TO PAY...
AND I CALL HER TO EXPLAIN TO MY HOUSELEADER,
AND SHE SAID NO NEED!
SHE CALL ME TO EXPLAIN.

WHAT THE HELL!!!

HEY WOMAN!
IS YOU THE ONE WHO DON'T WANT ME TO PAY,
YOU CALL ME NOT TO PAY,
AND YOU DON'T WAN TO EXPLAIN TO MY HOUSELEADER WHY I DON'T WANT TO PAY?
AND CALL ME TO EXPLAIN?
I AM JUST 19 YEARS OLD.
NOT 91 YEARS OLD.
I AM STILL A DIZZAY LITTLE BOY.
WHYYOUWANNAWHYYOUWANNABRINGMEDOWN?????

But still, she is my mom...
sigh..
although my real mom is garbage,
but,
at least the one who give me money to buy the thing i like is this woman,
not the dizzay garbage.
garbage can't do anything.

SO,
NOW I AM 100% DIZZAY NOW,
DAMN!
My brain is going to defeat albert einstein brain,
cause my brain is multifunction now..
what is inside my dizzay brain now?

1)drama
2)management
3)web page
4)blogging
5)facebooking
6) 'V.I.P' broken thing (sorry... and don't tell him my brain is thinking about this)
7) DRIVING
8) the rental

SOMEBODY who is not DIZZAY,
HELP ME!

I AM DAMN DIZZAY NOW...

OH YA! BY THE WAY!

BY THE WAY,
I SAID I WANNA CLOSED THIS STUPID YUYUJUNI BLOG,
AND I DID.

BUT BY THE WAY,
I OPEN BACK THIS BLOG.

BY THE WAY,
THIS BLOG CAN BE IN CHINESE, AND ENGLISH,
DON'T WORRY,
FOR THOSE ORANGE WHO DUNNO ENGLISH,
CAN ASK ME PRIVATELY...
JUST GO TO MY FACEBOOK, AND LEAVE IT ON MY WALL....
AND FOR BANANA,
IF YOU DUN UNDERSTAND CHINESE,
SAME THING TOO...

BY THE WAY,
THE REASON FOR ME TO OPEN BACK THIS BLOG IS...
I LOST MY DIARY ...
I DUNNO WHO THE STUPID FELLAS SO INTERESTED IN MY PRIVACY LIFE...

BY THE WAY,
I REALLY DON'T HOPE THIS NEW (OR IS A REMAKEOVER) BLOG HAVE A LOT OF VISITORS OR TRACKERS OR STALKERS...
CAUSE IS MY DIARY...
I MEAN, WHEN I AM SAD, OR I AM EXCITED OR BORED, I WILL READ IT MY OWN..
SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE, YOU CAN LEAVE....

AND ANYWAY....
THANKS FOR WATCHING MY BLOG AGAIN.
YOU'VE GOT THE LOVE
I LOVE YOU .......