huh?.... over?.......

14 weeks of my semester 4 had finally gone....
so fast....
14 weeks of my extra week to see you to satisfy me is finally used up.....
so fast....

BUT....

i still not yet satisfied yet...
i want to see you more..
i want talk to you more....
i want to laugh with you more......
no
please...
is not over yet!!!!

you are also one of the reason that i barred myself from one of the subjects and got semester 4....... (even though you are not the main reason.. whatever)....

please....
is not over yet!!!
CUZ WHAT I KNOW IS...
AFTER THESE 14 WEEKS.....
i .... i.... i.....
i cant see you anymore...
i cant talk to you anymore..
not even just a smile with you or to me......

don't tell me is over....
and i hope... is only just begun......
but......
pointless...
useless....
hopeless.....

you still not belongs to me.....
and i am not your owner too....
we are just..... somebody who meet somebody and need somebody to finish our course only......
just like client... or customers........

i can let go anything..
my hatred...
yes.. i can let go...
but i cant let go you.......

people always say that i will hurt myself more if i dun let go you....
at first.. i say.. is ok.. cause you are special...
and i keep pretend that my case is special too...
so i wont get hurt like those people...
but...
still....
a pretending...........

i am hurt now......
the happiness is over...
but the hurts had begun.......

i think i should find ways to cure myself...
i need time...
i need to be busy all the time....
this is also why i must go to work as a part-timer....

to buy a keyboard is one of my reason...
but
to forget you... to let go you.. is also one of the reason.......

from now on...
i am learning not to love you anymore.....
bless me.. people...
thanks......

i love yesterday

yesterday was a great day.....
is really a moment that we din have for a long long time........

still remember last year.....
you wanted to go home...
and i had stop you...
and we talk...
we chat...
we even laugh...........

yesterday.........
was the first time in this year...
that we did the same thing again.......
there is only 2 of us...
no third party...
forth fifth sixth.. or whatever....

we talk about jokes...
we talk about future...
we talk about gossip......
just like a pillow talk.....
i am very happy for yesterday.......

and i love yesterday.....

anyway...
i love yesterday's weather too.........

my life is so dramatic.....

I love drama.. i love movie..
i love romance genre too....

and... if you notice something.. 80% of the love story.. is.. at start.. one of them.. swear that he or she wont love her or him anymore......
but... time after time..... he or she cant control himself or herself back and continue the love story which should already stop with her or him......

i am one of them...........
my love story is one of the movie or drama.......

last friday......
i keep saying that.. i don't have the feeling of love anymore towards 'her'............
but... last sunday..............
i cant control myself back and fall in love with her back..........

oh my god.
i think...
i should go for psychologist.........

SERIOUSLY......i cant be a lover......

Seriously...... i dun think i can be a good lover.... NO...
is.. i cant be a lover.....
at all.....


Let's flashback to 1 year ago.....
when i look at you..... the first time i saw you.. and the first time i have the feeling towards you...
i am very happy... and excited....
well.. maybe no one knows who are you.....
but is ok...
just be my cute little secret lover.. (by the way.. you are older than me a lot.. i dunno why i call you... cute little....)

i keep do a lot of thing for you.. sacrifice....
among all the boys and girls......
you are the one who get the higher rate of knowing per seconds　(means.. how well do i know you in every second)
i do a lot of things...
whenever you have trouble.....
i try my best to help...
whenever i am in trouble..
i try my best to not to let you know.. cause i don't want to let you worry.....

but now...
1 year later....
maybe is because of....we only met for twice... like that every week... or... just.... some weird reason.....

sorry......
i really...
don't have...
no more...
those feelings toward you.......
in the bad way...
that is...
i don't love you anymore.....
i dunno why....
before.. when being with you...
i am so damn excited...
but now....
when being with you.....
even just in msn....
i was like....
'empty'.......................

i cant be a lover...
single suits me more.....
well...
or... i think i should say....
i am workaholic than you...
even tough i love you is because you are workaholic too...
but..
now...
i love my work.. and i love busy... more than i love you....
until...
i love my work and busy only.. but i dun love you anymore.....
sorry.....
sorry.. for the 'forever and ever' promise.....
sorry..........

anyway...
thanks for make me have a great moment with you.....
bless you.......


I HAD THE LOVE..........

finally... is his turn.....

good luck to one of my best friend in UTAR for tomorrow..
a very very very very very very very very very best friend ever....(TOO MUCH EVER.. but sometimes.. i feel like i wanna slap him)...

good luck for your talk show..i will try my best to watch ur show...
i noe that u want me, and also all your friend to watch ur show....
but i will try... cause... i got a lot problems right now.. sob sob.. sorry... wu... wu....

good luck.......
(for some reason, i start to feel sad because the possibility to watch his show is quite low... is not sad because of i cant watch his show... i feel sad that i just scare.. my absent will dissapoint him...sigh......)

anyway.. good luck.. my friend....

i think i grow up...

after today....

i think.. i grow up already...
seriously.....

i can accept everything which is negative right now...
friends betraying..... lovers gone... .....

and funny thing is....
i even dun wan to tell all my problems to anyone.. anymore....
just let it be....

cause for me...
is my panic..
i dun wan everyone who cares about me..
panic because of my panic...
is unfair...
friends.. for me.. is for fun
not to share the panic....
but in the same time...
cause i dun wanna see my friend panic...
i would like to make them share their problem with me..
and i will listen...
and... if i can help.. i will try my best..
but if cant..
i think.. some consolation.. or be a joker to make them happy.. hahaha....

so.. i grown up....

TO MOTHER FUCKER!
YOU SEE THAT?
I WONT LET MY NEW FRIEND SUFFER!
SO JUST SIT THERE!
AND WAIT!
WAIT FOR MY FIRE!
WAIT FOR MY CAR!

CAUSE I'M GONNA DRIVE MY CAR TO YOUR HOUSE AND I BURN YOUR HOUSE!!!!

(by the way.... acting gay.... is the only way which make me happy.. but dun worry.. i'm still straight... haha...i finally understand the meaning of 'GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN' or 'HUNKS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN')....

private session....

buying

i just cut my hair just now.... in rawang.. thanks to my best friend that i hate a lot.. ALVIN LOH WAI HOONG.. hahaha.....

is a new hair saloon.... well.. is not bad actually... just... she (the hairstylist) say she cant make the hairstyle i wanted
because my hair is still short....

WHAT THE HELL??
SHORT?

OH GOSH... FIRST TIME... THERE'S SOMEONE SAY MY HAIR STILL SHORT....
WELL IF IS MY MOM... SHE WILL KEEP SAYING....

LONG LIKE A HAIRYMONSTER.... T_T.......

but still.. i ask her to try to shaping my hairstyle first... so.. she shape for me....
is not bad actually.......
just .. i dunno if i want to try to apply her wax to for my initial shaping will charge my extra 3 ringgit...... T_T......

sigh.....

ok... now......

hair already make...
nails already cut....

what else i wanted to buy?

contact lens....
yeah... contact lens.. my savior... for my eyes and also my overall face... here i come... hahaha.....

(p/s: i love me when i am wearing contact lens.. it make me look more cute.. hehe.... )

whoever dun like that p/s... go away..... BLAH! SHOOOOO!