inSOMNIA

I DUN CARE!
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKE ME INSOMNIA EVERYNIGHT!
NOW I WAN YOU TO BEAR THE TROUBLE THAT I HAD NOW!
THAT IS!!!


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BE WITH ME FOREVER AND EVER...................

AM I TAKING THE RIGHT COURSE??

about 39 people ask me :"are you sure you taking the right course?"

when i enter UTAR...


but

now....


there seem a special one... and i like what he said about my life

:"But we can see that he did well in his course right now.."

this is special....

><

so..
continue be a chemical engineer student...

WHAT ABOUT YOUR ARTISTIC DREAM??

YOUR TALENT??

nah...

wait till i graduate 1st....
cause i am not young..
i am 20 years old...
if everything change..
i need to restart..
but time wont restart...
we still grow older and older...


BUT
I
STILL
NEED
TO
EMPHASIZE......

I AM ALWAYS ARTSY!!!!!! ><


(a.k.a... artistic... lolz...)

haha...

Take a BREAK.... DIE

TOO MANY THINGS happens.....
TOO MANY ASSIGNMENT...
TOO MANY SYLLABUS.....

but that's ok......
it wont affect me....

just....

TOO MANY TRUTH DISCOVERED....

ok... that's really make me tired...........

doing the wrong expectation is the worst thing that would never happen in my life...
but...
it did...
and i did the wrong expectation...

and now..

i need to bear the sadness...........

if there's a chance for me to die...
i rather go die now.....
instead of facing those dirty truth in front of me..

THAT I WOULD NEVER EXPECTED!!

Buying somebody LIFE....

i am so dissappointed.....
you lied to me.....
i hate it!
you left me quietly.....

I THINK I GET ISOLATED .................... again........

WHY MY LIFE ALWAYS STUCK WITH THE WORD "ISOLATED"!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I HATE MY LIFE!!
I WAN TO GET A NEW LIFE!!!
MY LIFE SUCKS!
AND MEANINGLESS!!!

FUCK YOU! LIFE!

HoPE!

Okay.... so....
no more E.M.O!!!
WAKE UP!! STRONG ME IS BACK!

lolz....

well.. anything just started in few hours ago,
yeah.. my extra chemistry class.....
it gives me hope....
although i hate the stupid class.....

why?

well... thinking back about last night,
is the most struggling night i had ever had.....
i am doing a chemistry for engineers tutorial paper...
and i realize..
THERE ARE MANY QUESTION I DUNNO HOW TO ANSWER....
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I managed to answer all the questions in 3 hours. 20 QUESTION TOTAL, By referring to my slides, books that i borrow from library, dictionary, GOOGLE it...and so on...

and that time, i am so scare, i scare that i cant get even 1 correct answer among the 20 question.
i am worry because the tutorial i am doing, will submit to the lecturer and she will mark our paper and then, the correct answer will be counted as marks for assessment, Which mean, i am so dead! CAUSE I AM STILL DUNNO WHAT AM I DOING ACTUALLY!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i am so scare that time, i am thinking of repeating the subject and failed the subject and repeating the subject and again and again like a routine........

and then, when the class start, and when the lecturer start to discuss about the correct answer ,
and among all 20 question............... i got.......... 14 corrects!

OH MY GOD!
i cant believe it...
i mean i keep predicting that i will have the maximum, MAXIMUM, 10 over 20 correct answer, and dun hope for more than, but in actual? I get 14 corrects!

So, is really motivates me a lot,
i should concentrate a lot, and this is what i've learned.

THE STRONG ME is not gone, is just, he is waiting me to use HIM.
But when i am not using HIM,
THE WEAK ME will let me use it.

I MEAN, WHENEVER YOU ARE DOWN, THERE WILL BE A HOPE IN FRONT OF YOU,
SO FOLLOW THE HOPE, TAKE THE HOPE, LEARN FROM THE HOPE, AND MAKE ANOTHER HOPE AND COME TRUES.

haha....









(p/s: anyway.. thx to PCL and WYW... you guys really part of the reason that motivated me too.. ><><)

the wrong VERION of ME! in the WRONG TIME!

There is 2 VERSION of ME...

one is the STRONG ME..
and
one is the WEAK ME....

the STRONG ME....
is a very strong guy.....
well.. maybe you cant use the word 'tough' to describe me,
but is really strong.
HARDWORKING, SMART, and sometimes a little bit HARD.
SOCIABLE, HIGH SELF-ESTEEM and also CHARISMATIC!
Love the world,
Hyper-ACTIVE.
INDEPENDENT!
When he feels lonely, he will find somebody or new friends just in 5 seconds!
ROCKS! (dun hope for RNB and HIP HOP)
only allowed VICTORY...
LOSER?
FUCK YOU!

now......
on the other side....

the WEAK ME....
is a very very very WEAK person.
EMO-EMO-EMOTIONAL LOOSE CONTROL all the time.
LOST... in TOKYO? nah... i dunno.. just lost....
LAZY, HATER, and COMPLAINTS.
Very bad in socializing with people,
very low charismatic....
Reject to makes friend,
Reject the world,
Hate the world,
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!....

Well, so people, as you can see..
the STRONG ME, and the WEAK ME is totally 2 different person, 2 different soul, but sharing the same body.... my body......wat a curse! .....

Degree life,
is a very very very tough life,
plus,
my course is extraordinary difficulty course.

Well, in the orientation week and also the starting week,
THE STRONG ME is taking control everything.
and he did a very very very good performance.....
WELL DONE!

BUT...
just...
this week..
few days ago...
THE STRONG ME suddenly left, and THE WEAK ME taking control of my body right now.....
sigh.......
now... i really... dunno wat happen...
i mean..
i don't want to be what happen when i am in foundatino Y1S1...
emo all the time,
skipping class all the time,
HATES anybody.....

But,
now i am really like this...
suddenly, without a reason.......

What should i do??

(P/S: Yesterday, i just announce and also declare something about myself to 2 of my new best friends, which i used to not to tell anyone anymore besides my SECONDARY BUDDY. I don't know why i just tell them like this, just feeling useless right now........I do really scare that they are afraid of me right now......... This is why i ended up in din go anywhere, not the CHURCH life group activity. Not the BOWLING INVITATION.... just stay at home, to the music, crying, sleeping, wake up? sleep again, crying.... and so on.........)

Out of CLOSET!

Why most people who out of closet will end up with loneliness............

Why?
why?
and
why.........