not that actually.... but yes... this is....

I thought they started to change..
is because we all grown up..
and..
all of us.. had very less communicate...
and..
so..
the way we treat each other become cooler....

But..
not..
actually is not..
they didn't change..
but i change..
what do i change?
my status...

Is simple..
not complicated..
that is...
they all actually is already that kind of attitude..
they all actually is already don't like me since the starting..
but..
they need me..
so..
they must ACT.. i repeat... ACT... in front of me..
so that.. i can help them..
cause i am a soft-hearted person..
like one them say...
i don't know how to scold people.. cause i wont get angry...
yeah..
thanks for your word..WHORE...
now i just realize that how stupid i was when i am secondary school..
the truth is.. NO ONE LIKES ME SINCE THE STARTING! THEY JUST ACTING! ...
and.. look at now...
right now..
they don't need me anymore..
cause they all are grown up..
plus..
we are totally in different place..
so..
means..
I AM USELESS RIGHT NOW.....
and..
that's why..
the way they treat me...
is kinda coolest....
some even just dun bother me die or alive....
thank you..
thank you very much..
i wont hate you guys..
i just will categorize you guys as a lesson...
for me to grow up..
if hate..
hate myself..
so damn stupid....
thanks very much.......

guiltty swear

so...
it seems like....
here we end....
no more next chapter...
for the story between you and i....
sigh....
just because of i break my promise..
just because of i break my swear...
now i finally understand ...
i am the one who broke all this stuffs...
i am the one who ruins the happy ending into sad ending.....
we can see it...
on face to face... when i talk to you.. you just treat me very very very cool...is like.. you start to feel bored on my topic...
on msn... when i chat with the others... the line is good and stable..
but when with you... is keep disconnected.... even your offline message to me... i cant read it...
and just now..
something more bad happens... is something that will spoil the relationship between you and i...
although i try and try very hard to solve this bad thing...
but.. i still scare...
on the phone....you cant hear my voice... and i can sense it that your voice is kinda bad feelings toward me....
sorry....
sorry.....
god..
did you listen to what i am said?
I AM VERY SORRY NOW...
AND CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE?
JUST ONE!
ONE LAST CHANCE!
IF DIS ONE LAST CHANCE I STILL SPOIL IT..
THEN I WILL BE PUNISH INTO MORE WORST..
PLEASE....
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE ONE I LOVE JUST BECAUSE OF I BREAK MY SWEAR....
I SWEAR!
I WONT BREAK MY SWEAR ANYMORE!
JUST GIMME ONE LAST CHANCE!
CAN YOU?
PLEASE...
PLEASE....
PLEASE..... I BEG MY KNEES AND PLEASE YOU.. PLEASE... sob sob....

let go

is weird...
and funny...
that is...
when u say u dun love at all...
in the same time....
u keep finding way to not to lose it....
how to explain.....
?

YOU

i hate 19 years old although i am already suffering with it for around 5 months(going to).....
but compare to 18 years old, 19 years old is a lot better, not a little bit, but a lot.

yeah, i am serious about it.
AT LEAST,
during my 18 years old time, when i am having a lot of problems or troubles, no one will listen to me. I repeat! Listen! I din ask for consolation, but listen, and, no one wanted to do that.

From i been betrayed by my best friend in national service camp, to my family problem, to been jealous or been backstabed suddenly by some stranger in my university, and love failure problem, and whatever.

Yeah, at least, none of my friend wanted to share these problem from me. Sharing is Caring, is really bullshit for me that time.

And that had make me a great hater, i start to hate everything, everyone, every-moment in this world. I am not a hater before, i forgive and accept everything, but not when i am 18.

19 years old, well, i am still have a lot of trouble, and even lots more than 18. BUT, at least, i am not so suffering or panic like hell , like 18. Thanks to you, you come and you share the problem with me. Well, what i mean 'you' is not only referring to 1 person, is more than that. I hope that you do understand that i am talking about you. Hahahaha.

You come into my world, and you change my world. Here's the statement when i was 18 and before :
'The longer the time when we are friends, the stronger the friendship we are having.'

But, since the day we start to know each other, you change my world, you change my statement:
'The greater the way we treat each other as friends, the stronger the friendship we are having.'

And the conclusion is,the power of friendship, cant judge by time or period or tempo. But, is judge by, how we treat each other. We were old friends, so what? if we were old friends, but we din do the part as a friend, just to tell other people or let the world know that we are old friend, is meaningless, right?

Here's a good situation, assume that you are having a trouble, very very big trouble, like wat the SHAMPOO sings :"oh oh, we're in trouble." And your old friends cant help you ( i don't want to say that they don't want to help, maybe they do want, but they really can't), but your new friends, which is besides you right now suddenly come and said to you:"hey, wanna lend some hands for you?"

Which one will you choose?

I choose the new. I know maybe you guys will say but you still don't know much about the new one compare to the old one. So what? the old one, will change, right? Everyone will change, and nowadays, many of my old friend say tat i changed a lot i changed a lot, and i look at my bodysize, i really change a lot.... getting fatter.....zzzzz

And because is old one, and you know him very much, and you know his weakness. You know that he is lying. You know that he will go to do that thing even in front of you he keep saying that that thing is boring and he wont go for it because of you cant go to do that thing. And the most horrible is, you keep pretending that he really wont go to do that thing is because of boring, not because of you cant go. And after that, few days later, he go to do that thing, and you must pretend that you don't know EVERYTHING!!! DAMN MOTHERFUCKER! DAMN PISS OFF! THIS IS WHY I HATE BLOGGING!......

fine fine.. chill chill......

I really hate them....
seriously....

These is what my old best friends, my old gang did to me:
one of them, lie to me.
one of them, don't believe me, and suspect me.
one of them, feel like i am changing a lot, but actually, he din realize that he changed.
one of them, keep creating troubles for me.
Some of them used me.
Some of them left me out.

I had tried a lot that i keep telling myself that it was just i were too sensitive. But until i know you, i am not that sensitive, is fact, actually.

Because of you,
i really forget what they did to me.
Because of you,
i really have a nice time.
Really...
Well, maybe you were new, and, maybe you were just ACT to be my new best friend for some purpose, but at least, the way you ACT, really make me happy.
And this is why,
i sacrifice a lot to you.
and i felt a lot worthy when i sacrifice to you, compare to i sacrifice to those old friends.

UTAR RESULT IS GONNA OUT, really wish you will get the best result. And guess what, i even sacrifice my time, to pray for you to get a better result. NOT MINE. hahaha... I am serious. What i wanted to do is, as long as you are happy, then i am happy too.
BUT OF COURSE, THE BEST IS,
WE STILL CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

GOOD LUCK.